Sioux Mother Rescues Abused Children, Faces Arrest
This article appeared on Indian Country Media Network in 2014. A subsequent petition on behalf of the mother and children garnered some 12,000 signatures. For more on topics like this, see my book, American Apartheid: The Native American Struggle....
The
emergency room doctor was furious at what he had seen, recalled Audre’y Eby,
who is Rosebud Sioux and the mother of disabled 16-year-old twins. One of her
sons, who is blind and autistic, squirmed on the examination-room table,
screaming, “Ow, ow, it hurts!” The doctor had found livid red and purple bruises
covering his penis and scrotum, according to the Nebraska hospital’s records. Those
injuries would soon lead to an arrest warrant for the mother—not because she had
caused the harm, but because she did not return her son, along with his wheelchair-bound
twin, to their abusers.
Indian
child welfare expert Frank LaMere called the twins’ situation more extreme than
any he’d seen in his many years of work in the field. “These boys are suffering,”
said LaMere, who is Winnebago and the director of Four Directions Community
Center, in Sioux City, Iowa.
Injuries Eby discovered her blind son suffered in 2013. |
The
day before the ER visit, Eby drove from the Nebraska farm where she lives with
her husband, Faron, to pick up her boys from their father in Iowa. It was early
August of 2013, and she was going to have them for the once-a-month weekend
visit the courts allow her. The boys’ father is Eby’s ex-husband; he has
physical custody of the kids, and his live-in girlfriend is their primary
caretaker. Eby and the boys are Native, and the father and his girlfriend are white—facts
that LaMere says overshadow decisions that social-services professionals and
the courts make on the children’s behalf.
During
the five-hour drive to Nebraska, both twins complained. Eby put the grumbling down
to the road trip—a long one for such special-needs kids. The sighted twin has
cerebral palsy and can suffer painful muscle spasms, and his brother has
residual discomfort from a vehicle accident he was in with his father a few
years ago. “We stop for breaks, but it’s a lot of sitting still,” Eby said.
The
next day, the blind twin began complaining again, and Eby saw blood in his
overnight diaper. Alarmed, she and Faron loaded both boys into their car and headed
for the ER. After the exam, at a moment when only health-care personnel were
present, the doctor asked his patient, “Who did this to
you?” The child named his father’s girlfriend. The doctor questioned the
sighted twin, who confirmed his brother’s story.
The
doctor told Eby that the injuries were consistent with being kicked in the
groin. He immediately called Nebraska’s Department of Health and Human Services
to report alleged child abuse, hospital records show. Eby says the physician
also warned her that if she didn’t keep the boys until their wellbeing could be
guaranteed in Iowa, he’d have to report her for exposing children to an unsafe
situation: “He said Nebraska law required him to do that.”
Eby’s
fateful decision to keep her kids in Nebraska soon led to an Iowa judge issuing
a warrant for her arrest. She is trapped between the laws of two states and
fearful for her sons’ safety.
The
Nebraska doctor’s report launched an extensive investigation by Iowa’s Child
Protective Services (CPS). The investigation included another physical exam and
interviews of social workers, teachers and others who’d interacted with the
twins. The boys participated in a Telemed closed-circuit TV interview observed
by social-services and law-enforcement personnel in Iowa and Nebraska. (The
twins’ names, and that of their father, whose last name they bear, are being
withheld to protect the children’s privacy. All official documents quoted here
were obtained under Iowa law.)
Both
children claimed the kicking occurred after the blind twin was discovered
masturbating. In the interview, he says that his dad had once threatened that
“he’s gonna cut my privates off” for doing that. At one point, the boy begs, “Please
help me. I’m scared.”
The
investigation led to a determination that the father’s girlfriend caused the groin
injuries, which means the abuse was “founded.” The father and girlfriend
already had several abuse and neglect determinations between them. CPS gave the
twins its highest score for risk of abuse and recommended a criminal
investigation.
The
girlfriend has appealed the most recent abuse finding, according to Iowa
Department of Human Services (DHS) documents. No charges appear to have been
filed against her. She claimed the boy did the damage to himself and told CPS, “I
love the boys and would never do anything to hurt either one of them.”
The
father told ICTMN that whatever
happened didn’t happen in Iowa and that the couple would appeal more of the
abuse and neglect rulings. Over the years, fourteen additional allegations have
been investigated and dismissed, he noted.
One twin was sent alone on an errand and landed in the ER. |
Iowa
DHS documents record a startling list of incidents at the father’s home: Among
many, the father recently pressed on the wheelchair-bound twin’s nose until it
bled, resulting in one of the founded-abuse determinations; during that
altercation, the father is described as splitting the child’s lip, hitting him
with a belt and causing a rug burn on his head. On another occasion, the dad
poured hot sauce down that boy’s throat while the girlfriend pressed her elbow
into his neck to ensure he swallowed it. A social worker recounts watching the
father smash a sandwich onto the blind boy’s forehead, purportedly to get him
to eat his lunch. The girlfriend has stuffed a cloth down one boy’s throat to
silence him. Punishments include cold showers.
Social
workers describe quasi-military discipline. “I’m trying to instill values like
honor, loyalty and courage in my children,” the father said. “If that’s wrong,
then a lot of parents are wrong.”
Judy
Yellowbank, who is Winnebago and the program director at Four Directions
Community Center, likened the twins’ treatment to torture. She charged that
there’s a double standard in child welfare. “Native parents would be behind
bars if they had committed the child abuse and neglect that these two
white caregivers have,” Yellowbank said.
Following
the recent kicking incident and subsequent abuse finding, Iowa DHS recommended returning
the twins to their father’s home, with the caveat that the live-in girlfriend
no longer be primary caregiver. When asked how that set-up would work from a
practical point of view, the father refused to answer.
One
of Eby’s attorneys, Judy Freking, of LeMars, Iowa, asked, “What is the purpose
of a child-abuse investigation if, upon concluding that abuse occurred, DHS
does not get involved, and DHS does not offer any services to correct the
problem that led to the abuse of these boys?”
The father is determined to get the kids back,
saying Iowa can provides them more services than rural Nebraska, where the
Ebys’ farm is. He recently went to Iowa juvenile court, claiming that his
ex-wife was keeping the boys in Nebraska because of “extreme hostility” toward
his girlfriend. The judge agreed, writing in an order issued this past
September, “It’s apparent this animosity has been a factor.” The judge noted
the father’s claim that he had “fully and properly cared for the boys.” The order
does not mention the existence of the founded abuse and neglect rulings or any criminal
investigation.
In
October, a district court judge issued an arrest warrant for Eby. She learned of
it when it pinged into her email from the Iowa courts’ online system. “I
couldn’t cry because my sons were here. I called Faron. He came home from work and
sat with the boys, so I could get myself together. Faron has been such a
powerful support in all this. We both want the boys living on the farm
with us.”
After
Eby and the boys’ biological father separated in 2003, when the boys were six, she
cared for them. When they turned 12, she thought they should get to know their
father. “At the time it seemed like a reasonable idea,” Eby recalled. As the problems
in the father’s home mounted, she fought to get the boys back, succeeding briefly
in 2011. Through all the abuse and neglect findings, Iowa DHS documents reveal,
the agency’s goal has generally been to reunite the twins with their father, and
the courts have concurred. He receives their social-security and other
subsidies.
Attorney
Freking wondered if the situation would have played out similarly if Eby had
committed the abuse. LaMere has an
answer, and it’s simple: No. He said that Eby’s situation is emblematic of the double standard Yellowbank
described. Indian parents are expected to leap enormous hurdles
to keep their kids—with no second chances and no benefit of the doubt, said
LaMere.
“It does appear that Audre’y and her
ex-husband aren’t on equal footing in terms of Iowa DHS recommendations to the
courts,” said Freking.
Patterns in Indian child welfare
Recently, Nebraska Department
of Health and Human Services did a home study that confirmed Eby and her husband provide her twins with a
good home. However, past turbulence
in Eby’s life, including drug involvement as a young woman, may be why Iowa won’t
grant her primary custody. “Audre’y has left those problems
behind, she’s a good mother, and her home study is positive—but that’s not good
enough,” said LaMere. “Many of us Native people have lived tough lives, and as
far as the system is concerned, anything we’ve been involved with follows us
forever. We are not allowed to grow and change.”
The
phenomenon is common in Indian child welfare, LaMere continued. “I see it in
meetings I attend with Native parents. The parent has solved the problem that
caused the children to be taken away. Perhaps it hasn’t been an issue for
years. But that’s never good enough. At one meeting, a social worker announced
she’d found dirty dishes in the sink at the Native mother’s home, so she shouldn’t
get her kids back. I became unglued. I stressed that the mother didn’t lose her
children over dirty dishes, and they couldn’t be kept from her for this
reason.”
The problem has its roots in history. Federal policy long supported forcibly assimilating Native people
as a way to solve the “Indian problem.” Starting in the late 1800s, Native
children were sent to government- and church-run boarding schools, where “Kill
the Indian, save the child,” was the mantra. And many did die—of beatings,
starvation and disease. Sexual and emotional abuse led others to commit
suicide. The pervasive trauma, touching virtually every Indian family, stalks
Native communities to this day.
During the mid-20th century, boarding
schools were closed or turned over to the tribes, and the Indian Adoption
Project took over as the assimilation mechanism. This federal program, aided by
states and churches, swept about a third of Native children into non-Native
homes. After hearing much testimony, Congress passed the Indian Child Welfare
Act (ICWA) in 1978 in an effort to stem the social and cultural holocaust.
ICWA established Indian preferences
for placement of Indian children like Eby’s sons, whether they are enrolled
tribal members or eligible for enrollment. ICWA allows tribes to intervene on
behalf of their children and requires “active” efforts keep Indian kids with Indian
families. “Legally, that means more than ‘reasonable’ efforts,” said LaMere.
“It means busting your butt to make it happen.”
In
the real lives of Native people, it just doesn’t work out that way. “If you’re having any problems with the system, they’ll
take your kids anytime they want,” said a Santee Sioux grandfather, whose granddaughter
and grandniece died after being adopted out of his family—one at the hands of
her new father and the other by drowning.
ICWA
may be federal law, but its enforcement takes place county by county, according
to LaMere. He described progress in applying the law in one Iowa
jurisdiction—Woodbury County, with its large Native population centered in
Sioux City. “I have to believe that if
Audre’y’s case had been dealt with here, she would have gotten custody of her
sons. However, in other parts of Iowa, and in many states, old attitudes persist
about Native people.” There’s a sometimes unspoken and sometimes openly acknowledged
belief that American Indians can’t or shouldn’t take care of their kids, LaMere
said. Neither the Iowa DHS Native Unit, which oversees
Native-related cases, nor the Rosebud Sioux Tribe responded to requests for an
interview about these issues.
The
Iowa courts’ seeming inability to deal even-handedly with Native people causes ambiguities
for other agencies, including law enforcement. In a phone interview, local Iowa
police chief Dan Kremer, who observed the CPS Telemed interviews related to the
blind twin’s ER visit, said at first that some were “out to hang” the father
and his girlfriend. “Maybe they need hanging,” Kremer then added, “but so far
the courts have not gone after them.” He pointed out that the situation in the
home “has been going on for a long time.”
Since
the twins have been on the Nebraska farm, they’ve put weight on their
once-emaciated frames, and Eby has let their crewcuts grow out. “They look so
handsome now!” she said. The other day, she
recalled, one son told her, “I don’t feel shrunken any more.” She
enjoys seeing them caught up in the rhythms of farm life. “Family comes to
visit. We have real sit-down dinners with no TV, and Faron makes root beer
floats on Saturday nights.”
Eby called LaMere an important ally in her long struggle. “Frank says to
focus on the good, pray and be mindful of what we have. I
don’t think I’ll ever be able to express the pain of all this, but the love I
can.”
LaMere
sees a lesson: “The Creator sent us these two boys as teachers—to instruct us
to renew our fight to keep our kids safe and our families intact.”
For Eby’s family, the
future is uncertain. “On January 6, I’ll turn myself in at an Iowa police
station,” she said. “Frank and my lawyer will be there. It should be okay. I
should be able to pay the $1,000 bond and return to Nebraska. If I go through
this, I’ll be able to ask for a new court date and hopefully will eventually get
custody.”
Audre’y Eby paused. “Somehow, life has to be bearable for my boys.
Is there anything else I can do?”
Text c. Stephanie Woodard; photographs courtesy Audre’y Eby.